EP Main Takeaway : Focus on the other person by listening and making them feel important and felt. People do things for a reason - ask questions to find out why; don't assume. Manage your own emotions by being aware of your physical reactions, emotions felt, impulses, consequences, solutions, and benefits. Mirror neurons - transports us into other person's mind and helps the other person feel less alone; when the world doesn't give back to them, there is a mirror neuron deficit;. Repair dissonance with PEP - I need your help to make this a better company; passion, enthusiasm, and pride. Keep stressful people out of your life and connect with people who help you grow.
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However, our first impressions and first impressions are a jumbled mix of truth, fiction and prejudice. We end up dealing with a fictitious creation, not the real person.
If you want to open the lines of communication, open your own mind first to determine who they really are. Be More Interested than Interesting — To master the skill of being interested , and being sincere when you do it, stop thinking about a conversation as a tennis match where the goal is to score more points than your opponent.
Instead, think of it as a detective game, in which your goal is to learn as much about the other person as you can. Ask questions that demonstrate that you want to learn more, e. Make People Feel Valuable — People need to feel valuable; even or possibly especially the complainers, whiners, and obstructers. Both the good people in your life and the annoying people need and deserve reassurance that they matter.
Everyone competes for time, but no one should need to compete for importance. It causes us to focus, become determined, and test our mettle. Even though it can be very difficult, allow people to vent and get as much off of their chest as they feel is possible, without you interrupting or being judgmental.
If you want to soothe the savage beast, get the beast to exhale. So how can you know how others perceive you? Ask your friends, relatives and coworkers. Steer Clear of Toxic People — Strip people who want to con you, bully you, thwart you, or make you a scapegoat for their mistakes, of the power to hurt you.
The Empathy Jolt : When two people are beating on each other instead of communicating, or a person is more interested in attacking than in listening, insert a jolt of empathy. By doing the unexpected and apologizing yourself, the other person will shift out of defensive mode and tend to mirror your humility and concern. The Stipulation Gambit : Instead of hiding a weakness or problem, neutralize it. Side by Side : Ask questions during a shared moment and then deepen the conversation with more questions forming the core of the Socratic Method.
This technique is based on three facts: 1 sitting people down and lecturing them rarely works, because it makes them defensive and to hide things from you; 2 questioning works better than telling; and 3 when you allow one revelation to lead to another without getting in the way, you learn even more.
Fill In the Blanks : Invite people into a conversation with fill-in-the-blanks approach rather than asking questions that put them on the defensive. One key to reaching people is to be reachable yourself. You must be logged in to post a comment. Home About Speaking Engagements. From resisting to listening 2. From listening to considering 3. From considering to willing to do 4.
From willing to do to doing 5. From doing to glad they did and continuing to do. Submit a Comment Cancel reply You must be logged in to post a comment. Tags achievement 43 attitude 10 attitudes 18 change 19 communication 34 credibility 9 customer loyalty 16 customer satisfaction 14 decision making 9 effectiveness 22 employee communication 12 employee engagement 22 empowerment 13 fear 11 focus 9 goal achievement 18 goals 54 goal setting 31 high performance 13 improvement 11 inspiration 23 integrity 9 leaders 9 Leadership 38 listen 9 management 10 motivation 31 organizational excellence 32 performance improvement 10 personal improvement 46 planning 10 positive attitude 40 potential 9 prioritization 9 purpose 16 results 25 sales 23 self-awareness 15 self assessment 12 success 33 teams 13 teamwork 18 trust 11 values 13 vision
Book Summary: “Just Listen” by Mark Goulston
However, our first impressions and first impressions are a jumbled mix of truth, fiction and prejudice. We end up dealing with a fictitious creation, not the real person. If you want to open the lines of communication, open your own mind first to determine who they really are. Be More Interested than Interesting — To master the skill of being interested , and being sincere when you do it, stop thinking about a conversation as a tennis match where the goal is to score more points than your opponent. Instead, think of it as a detective game, in which your goal is to learn as much about the other person as you can. Ask questions that demonstrate that you want to learn more, e.
Just Listen by Mark Goulston
In this conversation, Dr. Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone , shares personal stories from very early on, when he was given multiple chances by people who saw the goodness in him. Mark felt he had been touched by an angel and has devoted his life to paying it forward. This is a beautiful conversation. You will be touched by the heart and wisdom of my guest.